Why Aliens Don’t Stay on Earth

The real reason aliens do not stay on Earth - my take.

So, many years ago, companies decided to change their Personnel Departments to Human Resources. I have pondered over this for years. When you needed ‘personnel’, you could contact, yes you guessed it, the Personnel Department. However, someone came up with the scheme to change this from Personnel Department to Human Resources. Sign makers were thrilled as this phenomenon swept the Western world. However, let’s analyze.

So, …this could be thinking towards the future, yes, there may be other forms of workers. Let’s say, Robots. So of course we would need a Robot Resources Department… and what about other types of non-human or semi-human workers. You would need an Android Resources Department, Cyborg Resources Department, Cyborg/Android Hybrid Resources Department, and yes, eventually, I think we might need an A. I. Resources Department.

Now, we all know how important plants are, so I propose a Plant Resources Department. NASA knows that plants clean the air and that is a very important function in the work place. So there’s that. You might have a fruit fly infestation from employees leaving a bowl of apples out too long, ‘cause, you know, no one eats apples at the office, so you might require a Venus Fly Trap. ..which you would get from the Plant Resources Department. In fact, you could have an entire department for carnivorous plants alone, as there are several species. That’ll make a dandy sign - the Sarracenia, Drosera, and Pinquicula Resources Department. ….kinda long, so maybe just the Carniverous Plants Department, and then the All Other Plants Department.

Now I can concede, all kidding aside, that, let’s say Police Stations, they may in fact have a Canine Resources Department. That would make sense. So from that standpoint, yes, you want to differentiate the people from the dogs.

However, when the aliens land, and they realize they need a job, because, while air is still free, not much else is, they go to get employment. Alas, no matter where they go, there is no Personnel Department anywhere anymore, so where do they go? hmm.. no Alien Resources Department either. only Human Resources....well, that’s crazy.

Sasquatch? …, that’s right, no Personnel Department and no Sasquatch Resources Department - they are hooped. Stay hidden in the forest then.

…And that one alien that is mummified in Area 51, he died of frustration and old age, as he tried desperately, (before signaling to his kin that it is ok to land - that we have water AND jobs), to get humans to form The Greys Resources Department. But it seems, after the people developed the Human Resources Department, they were all out of ideas, and maybe, resources. Well, when I form MY company, I am going to have a Personnel Department, and then I can hire all the non-humans (personnel) I can get my hands on. The sign-makers are waiting.